Most women I meet are living malnourished half-lives, cut off from what it means to be female and from all that feeds the feminine. This has devastating and far reaching consequences for her life and beyond, resulting in the loss of healthy femininity for all.
Body shame and insecurity are huge killers of intimacy and this modern world is absolutely vicious when it comes to women’s bodies.
Among women over 18 looking at themselves in the mirror, research indicates that at least 80% are unhappy with what they see. Increasing numbers of normal, attractive women, with no weight problems or clinical psychological disorders, look at themselves in the mirror and see ugliness and fat.
This leaves women deeply ashamed about themselves. Therapists and researchers agree that the way a woman feels about herself is the #1 most important factor to her arousal and satisfaction with sex.
I think that the number one step for empowerment for a woman is to eradicate the idea that she is flawed, deficient, etc. Insecurity is her kryptonite. But egoism is not the cure for a woman, egoism is only a path to her unhappiness.
She may feel more asexual than she likes to or has felt in the past or feel pressure to perform sexually in her relationship. She may think she falls into the category of women who have ‘low-libido’ or feel bored or unsatisfied with her partner’s ability to arouse her.
She might feel like he just wants to have sex, and it’s not about his attraction to her specifically or have fear and dread when he gets aroused (not related to sexual abuse).
I see many women adapt to everyone else’s needs and forgetting her own interests or merge in a relationship and lose touch with her unique identity.
As a result she feels sapped and apathetic in her life. Generally, she may experience difficulty enjoying pleasure. She feels nostalgic about when she used to have fun and laugh a lot more.
She may feel like she has to step in and step up where her male partner doesn’t, perceiving a lack of masculinity in her partner, more like he is her buddy or child than a man.
She might feel frustrated and let down that he doesn’t understand her, even after so many years, and harbor fears that he is going to get tired of her and find another woman. She will likely also blame her partner for the shortcomings in their relationship.
A woman, cut off from her femininity might observe she is more aggressive and bossy than she would like to be, that she feels trapped and powerless.
She will probably notice that she is more harsh, rigid or inflexible in her thoughts and words than she wishes she was and frequently experiences low patience and tolerance. There’s a good chance she will experience difficulty and blockages being creative.
She reminisces about herself in her past or idolizes other people’s lives being better than her present. Women out of touch with their femaleness often feel intimidated by or judgmental about women who turn heads when they enter a room.
She feels more alive and feminine when she goes on vacation than in her day-to-day life. In the outside world, she leads with her shoulders when she walks. On vacation she begins to lead with her hips (and it feels good). The term ‘Wild Woman’ piques her curiosity but would not say it describes her.
Attraction is something that has been commodified in western culture but in reality is so much deeper than appearance.
Whether it comes from her body, her mind, her heart, her actions or any combination, she knows from introspection that she is beautiful and unique. She knows that the people around her love being with her because of her internal beauty and how she makes other people feel. She has discovered that at the end of the day everyone just wants to be deeply seen and loved and because she does this for herself she doesn’t need others to mirror approval. She has broken through the shame barrier that stops her from being authentic and lives vulnerably and courageously.
She feels totally uninhibited and inspired, confident and fulfilled in every way, in whatever form that looks like to her. She has found harmony with her and her partner’s sexual differences and their bond deepens and grows into a mutually satisfying union.
She is tapped into the meaningfulness of her journey as a woman and is inspired to be on this journey. She is centered in her own being and moves through her relationships contributing to the world from her wellspring of strength, love, and intelligence.
She is committed to nourishing and evolving her relationship as an ongoing masterpiece that she contributes to. She is constantly reflecting on herself and the opportunities for her to grow and to heal her wounds. Difficulties are fuel for her fire of transformation and letting go.
She feels comfort, clarity and depth in her expression as a woman. She knows when she needs space to cry, time to heal, freedom to play and permission to fail.
Having acceptance of herself, she brings to her relationships a deeply loving acceptance of other people, their struggles and their shortcomings as much as their gifts. She becomes the heroine in her story.
She is attuned to her needs and she is not afraid to fulfill her needs and desires without judging them or censoring them. She takes responsibility for her own happiness in whatever situation she finds herself in.
She can do this because she has a fundamental self-respect and an understanding that if the mothership goes down, everyone connected to her suffers.